Getting Better…Slowly
20 May 2011 3 Comments
I adore my doctor. She’s been my doctor for about 8 years now, and I’ve never given her enough credit. I’ve always been afraid to ask her about anything having to do with my mental disorders because I was terrified that she wouldn’t believe me. Not only does she believe me, but she very much so wants me to get to a healthy place.
I had another appointment with her last week, and she was concerned that I am taking the ativan every day. She doesn’t want me to get addicted to it. I understand her concern because I feel the same way. It’s helping me so much though. I take it when I can feel a panic attack coming on, and it calms me right down…within a few minutes. I told her that I feel the celexa working, but it’s not enough during those really high anxiety times. She increased my dosage to 40mg per day from 20mg per day to see if that helps. She did promise not to take the ativan away, but she’s hoping that I’ll use it less. Me too.
She also suggested I find a therapist, and talked with me about FMLA when I told her I was worried about missing work for it. I know I need a therapist, and my company will pay for the first 10 sessions, so there’s really nothing stopping me but myself. It’s seems such a daunting task. I’ve talked about it a lot on my blog.
I’m still very frustrated that I can’t write in my handwritten journal. I strained a ligament in my hand. I’m hoping that with ice and ibuprofen, it will get better soon. I have to take it easy. At least typing isn’t painful anymore.
I guess the bright side of my injury is that I’ve been reading a lot. I’m almost finished with the first book in the series A Song of Ice and Fire, and I will read the others. It’s a great series so far, but it’s been a bit triggering. I will write about it in another post.
I’m Still Here
03 May 2011 4 Comments
in Anxiety, General Tags: Anxiety, General
I haven’t posted in more than a month now, and I don’t want people worried about me, so this is a quick update.
I hurt my right hand not long after my last blog post. I haven’t been able to write for any amount of time before it swells up and I’m in pain, and typing is almost as bad. I’ve been avoiding it in an attempt to heal.
I have been on my new anti-anxiety meds for over a month now, and I can certainly tell the difference. I’m calmer overall, and can react in a normal way to stressful situations. I am on 20mg of Celexa, which I take once per day, and .5mg of Ativan that I take when I am extra anxious. I’ve been noticing that I need to take at least one Ativan per day. I’m definitely thankful for the relief. I have a doctor’s appointment next week, and we’ll see if she’ll keep me on my regimen or if she’ll change anything.
I think I would be even less anxious if I were able to write in my personal journal. For the past few years, I’ve kept a handwritten journal that I write in most nights, curled up in my comfy chair. Since I’ve hurt my hand, I haven’t been able to write at all, and that is very disheartening. I’m trying to be extra careful with my hand so it will heal faster. I need to be able to write, so I can purge my thoughts and clear my head. I don’t know where to go with my anger, frustration, etc.
I will end this post now, as my hand is hurting again. I just wanted to check in. I have been keeping up with the blogs I read, and hopefully soon I will be able to join you all again.
