Good Days/Bad Days

I’ve had this pattern for as long as I can remember.

I gauge every day by what happens in the morning.  If something doesn’t go right first thing in the morning, then I see it as a “bad day”.  It’s like a self-fulfilling prophecy.  It takes one bad thing to happen to ruin my day, and I need a ton of good things to happen for it to be labeled a “good day”.  I actively think about this all the time.

I think as a depressive, it gets really hard to focus on the good things.  It so easy to expect the worst.  I don’t want to do that anymore.  I want to be hopeful, not doubtful.  I want to be happy, not upset and frustrated.

I’m not sure why, but I can’t just take the good and the bad and leave it at that.  Sometimes bad things will happen (like waking up late) and sometimes good things will happen (like there’s no snow to clean off the car).  I can’t let things like this determine whether or not I’m going to enjoy my day.  It’s so depressing.

Here’s an example:

I wake up in the morning already late.  My daughter can’t decide what she wants to wear and is arguing with me over brushing her teeth.  I forget to start the car, so we get outside and I have to let the car warm up and scrape the windows.  I barely get to work on time and have 5 urgent emails that have to get taken care of immediately.  I have an appointment later in the day and the one thought that keeps consuming me is how badly the appointment is going to go because of the crappy morning I’ve had.  So what happens?  The appointment doesn’t go well, and I have to think about it the rest of the day.

I must have a different mindset about all of this.  I need to let the bad things go as soon as they come and not let them overwhelm my mood.  On the other side, I need to take in the good things one at a time and let them make me feel happy.

The little things in life are enjoyable and can make your day if you let them.  I’ve never NOT been able to get through anything.  I need to wake up every morning and tell myself that I am going to make this one awesome day despite anything bad that happens.

I kinda like that.

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