Darkness

“Everyone is a moon and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.”

–Mark Twain

This is one of my favorite quotes.  It makes me feel like I’m not so alone.  I think everyone’s “dark side” is different, and it can mean so many things.  Survivors and Thrivers have a dark side, and when they finally find people who they can open up to about what they’ve gone through, it’s a wonderful thing.  Having a dark side is definitely not something to be ashamed about, unless that dark side is criminal in nature.

I’ve always been different from your typical female.  I don’t want to make large generalizations here, but in my experience with most females, I’ve always been considered a bit odd.  I’ve always felt a darkness in my soul, and I relish it.  My husband has called me mad before, and I take it as a compliment.

I am obsessed, and I mean OBSESSED with why people do what they do.  Insanity is the most intriguing thing in the world to me.  How the human mind works is really amazing.  I study psychology for fun and I am drawn to stories of mental illness and the history of mental institutions.  A lot of what they did in the past is horrific, but fascinating to me.

I am intrigued by stories of the human condition and human suffering.  I’ve always tried understanding why my father did what he did to me.  I don’t know his medical history, so all I can do is guess.  I know he had a rough childhood himself, but he was really over the top.  I’ve wondered if he had a mental disorder as well.  It’s all speculation, but I always felt I needed to understand.

A friend once asked me why I enjoy movies about insanity and serial killers so much.  I told her, “It’s because there is no greater horror than what humans are capable of, and that’s fascinating.”  To think that members of the human race are capable of the most horrid deeds imaginable is crazy.  I wonder how these people tick and what goes on in their minds.  What makes them evil.

I try to learn everything I can about insanity.  Old mental institutions with their dark auras and past human suffering.  H.P. Lovecraft and his many, many stories about men being driven mad.  Hieronymus Bosch and his paintings born from a mind in the grasp of madness.

A new movie has come out called Shutter Island, and that is ultimately what gave me the idea for this post today.  When I first saw the preview, I couldn’t wait to see it.  Unfortunately, I may not get to see it for awhile yet, but I may go digging on netflix this weekend for more movies about all things insane.

Any suggestions?

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6 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Mary Byrne Eigel
    Feb 26, 2010 @ 13:30:56

    Thinking about Bosch’s paintings. He allegedly did them to frighten folks away from our evil side. It backfired and folks became intrigued with what he depicted. So what does that say about our fascination with the darker sides of our personalities?
    Be well,
    bluestarmoon.wordpress.com

    Reply

    • insaneheart09
      Feb 26, 2010 @ 15:03:58

      I know back then people were very opressed. I’m glad I live in a time where I am allowed to explore and learn about whatever I want, and I don’t feel bad at all about being a bit dark.

      Reply

  2. Jim
    Mar 02, 2010 @ 16:54:52

    Don’t know if this is up your alley, but the book “Explaining Hitler” by Ron Rosenbaum ( http://bit.ly/cYmVCJ ) is an in-depth look at Hitler’s life and if he was truly evil or insane. Not an enjoyable read – for me – but was very intriguing. Definitely a dark side of history, and is very well written and researched.

    Reply

  3. kate1975
    Mar 02, 2010 @ 19:42:36

    I can relate to what you posted. I have read and seen lots and studied lots as well. I will think about what to recommend, as the mind is blank right now. I really liked Aviator because of his mental health issues and all his challenges. I think they covered some of it well.

    Kate

    Reply

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