No Dependency

I am on Day 4 of sobriety.  I am feeling better and better everyday.  I’m not so exhausted during the day, but have been making sure I am exhausted by the time bedtime rolls around.  Last night, my daughter and I went to the Circus with friends.  It was a lot of fun and really exciting.  It made it a late night, so by the time I got home and got her into bed, I was ready to fall into bed myself.

I’ve been trying to stay away from the ambien as much as possible.  Sure, it shuts my mind off, but I don’t want to become dependent on them for sleep.

I had a bad experience about a year and a half ago with meds.  I went and saw a psychiatrist for my depression, and after talking to me for about 10 minutes, she prescribed Effexor to me.  Now, I didn’t do any research on antidepressants, and she is a doctor, so I trusted her.  Looking back now, I can’t believe that she didn’t start me off on something milder or recommend therapy.  Doctors these days seem to love the easy fix.

The Effexor messed me up royally.  Sure it helped with the depression, but it altered my personality and my sense of self.  It lowered my inhibitions to the point that it was easy for me to make some really bad decisions.  My moral code went away for awhile, and I became vulnerable to suggestions that I never normally would have.  I won’t get into specifics, that is another post.

My point is that this drug almost destroyed my life.  By the time I came to my senses, I had almost lost everything.

I started weaning myself off the drug.  I had the most nightmarish withdrawals that I can imagine.  I had “body buzzes” which feels like you are getting a mild electric shock every time you move, even slightly.  I was afraid to blink after a time because of these things.  It was horrible.  Terrifying dreams, loss of equilibrium, and slurring were a few more withdrawal symptoms.  It took about 6 weeks to finally be rid of the Effexor.  Never again.  Afterwards, I did some research and found out that the withdrawals from this drug can kill you.

That is ultimately what started my quest for recovery.  I have to manage my depression and anxiety through natural means because I would rather die than go through that again.

So yes, the ambien makes me a bit nervous, and that is a good thing.  I will never become dependant on a pill again.

If I can get my anxiety under control, I won’t need help to sleep.  This is my next big venture.


4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. James R Owens
    May 13, 2010 @ 09:06:32

    I think anti-depressants are the most over-prescribed drugs in America. To hear a doctor tell it, half of Americans need to be tranquilized. I have noticed, however, that erectile dysfunction is gaining momentum, and with the increased aging population it will surely overtake anti-depressants soon.
    I love listening to the warnings about Cyalis and Viagra, “if you experience a lost of vision or hearing..” a loss of vision or hearing?
    If you think about this it is really funny to imagine. Now you have this middle aged gentleman walking around with an erection lasting more than four hours, who cannot see or hear. Better keep a close watch on this guy.


  2. Patricia - Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworker
    May 13, 2010 @ 11:44:42

    What I have learned from personal experience is that most drugs today come with some kind of possible side effect that can be dangerous and unlucky you if you are the one who gets the side effects. I don’t trust doctors any more to know what is good for me.

    Dealing with feelings is a lot better than drugging yourself, in my opinion. As painful as they can be, they do get better if you go through them.

    Are you trying to get sober on your own? If so, I would recommend A.A. and a sponsor to help you out. I am not an alcoholic but I have many friends who are and use Alcoholics Anonymous to stay sober. It is a program that works if you work it. I am an Adult Child of an Alcoholic myself and use Al-Anon to stay healthy.

    Thanks for the recent comment that you left on my blog. Have a glorious day of sobriety.


    • insaneheart09
      May 13, 2010 @ 11:48:42

      Thanks Patricia. There is actually a woman’s only AA meeting which I think I would be comfortable with. I am looking into it. So far I am doing well on my own, but I know I could use the help.


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