Devotional Journal Part 1

I’m not the best Christian, I will admit.  Over the years, I have let my faith slide downhill.  When you are suffering all the time, and have completely lost your hope, it feels like God has given up on you.  For me, it was more like, I gave up on Him.

I haven’t gone to church since I was a child.  I always stayed away because I didn’t want to be forced to interact with a bunch of people I wouldn’t even talk to normally.  I also have very specific areas of study (namely bible prophecy) that most Christians don’t understand or care to.  My perfect church would be a place that was tailor-made to my beliefs.

In the past, I expected God to swoop in and fix everything that was wrong with me.  I was very naïve in that respect.  In retrospect, if he were to do that, it wouldn’t do me a damn bit of good.  This recovery process has taught me more about myself than I ever imagined it would.  I think part of being a true Christian is really knowing who you are and accepting it.

So, lately, I realize that I really want Christ back in my life.  I need Him.  Someone once told me that the only father I have now is The Father.  I believe that to be true.  I finally feel like I am one of God’s children, where I never did before.  I finally feel like I am worthy of His love.

My point in writing all of that is because I happened upon this wonderful devotional journal…

I got it for like $3 at a  Christian book website.  I have a tendency to buy books that look that they might be interesting, and then they sit forever.  When I got this book and read the introduction, I was a bit skeptical.  It looked like it might be some more mumbo jumbo, just trying to get money out of people who need some hope.

I decided that I was going to give this journal a shot, for the hell of it.  I’m too realistic to get sucked into nonsense.  It took me awhile to pull the trigger because you have to dedicate 40 days of your life to this journal, which includes answers to questions, reflections and prayers that YOU need to write down.

I started it on Sunday evening.  I have gotten through 4 days of it, and it has been really incredible.  It’s like the journal was written for me.  The author knows what it’s like to be where I am, and so far has done an amazing job at showing me what I am going through.  It’s like she is writing what I’ve been trying to figure out for so long.

The entire process so far has made me feel content and happy.  Contentment is something that I can’t remember feeling for the longest time.  I can’t wait to get home and work on the next entry.  This is a good thing because I am notorious for starting projects that I don’t finish.

This entry has become pretty long, so I am going to split it in half.  Tomorrow I will discuss what the author of the journal has shown me, and what I have learned thus far.


4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. primewords
    May 28, 2010 @ 12:01:34

    Journals are often helpful and if you have found one that works well for you then you have found a treasure. I think blogging is my journal, although I seldom share anything extremely private through them. It’s good you have found God again. I believe God is all around us, in everything we see, touch and smell.


  2. mrmaximum
    Jun 01, 2010 @ 21:35:37

    Just want to say that you are the bomb. It would take to long to explain, but through my own healing, I have learned that people who are remorseful like yourself are rarer than platinum. I didn’t say what I did at enotalone to gain points, I can’t imagine what you are going through, but I do recognize that it takes strength and courage. You posted some good stuff to digger11 today. That’s your character speaking and to be honest, when you have it, I get the feeling that it hurts others who don’t have any, but try to fake it.

    You are stronger than you know, keep up the good work and let no one make you feel bad for it, yeah?


    • insaneheart09
      Jun 02, 2010 @ 09:26:27

      Thank you so much mrmaximum,

      Your words mean so much to me. When I write, I hope that I can help just one person make the right decision, or take solace in the fact that people can change for the better. If I have done that, then it’s good.

      You can’t reach all of them, but it never hurts to try.

      Thank you again 🙂


  3. Trackback: Sleep…You Bastard « From Survivor to Thriver

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: