Facing My Mortality

He’s been gone more than a week now, and I am feeling a bit better.  Thursday was the day of his funeral, which was very hard.  Friday was a hard day for me as well.

Now it’s starting to sink at that he is really gone.  I will never see him again.  I look at the picture I have of him giving me away at my wedding with a smile instead getting choked up.  I will always miss him, but it’s not surreal anymore.  I’m grounded in reality at least.

This time in my life has really made me open my eyes to the mortality that we all face.  Most of us think that we always have more time to make the changes we need to, or reach the goals that we have planned for ourselves.

I remember a radio host once say, “Every person in that cemetary thought they had one more day”.  I think it’s true, and it’s a sobering thought.  I am human, and therefore, will perish someday.  Hopefully it is from old age, but that is something that is not guaranteed.  Anything can happen.

I wonder if my uncle thought this way.  I imagine him thinking that he still had a lot of time to stop drinking, but then I wonder if he just didn’t care if the booze took him.  Either way, it’s a moot point.

It’s not too late to change my life though.  I can and will quit drinking.  I will get myself healthy so I will hopefully live a long life with my family.  This is all I really want.  It’s rather simple.  It just seems so hard to execute.

I wish I understood myself better, and why I can’t seem to let this addiction go.  I know I need outside help, and will be seeking out local AA meetings.  I need to feel like I’m not alone in this and have some support from others like me.

It’s a hard thing to admit that you are an alcoholic and can’t quit on your own, but I know I have to.  Lord, give me strength.

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. hellythushtra
    Jun 24, 2010 @ 12:59:48

    Mortality is not easy for anyone to face. But you’re intelligent enough to know that. You are a very strong person. You admitting you have a problem and wanting to change is at least something positive that came from this tragedy.

    Reply

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