Mothering

I’ve been busy lately, and have been neglecting my poor blog.  It’s a good kind of busy though, so I don’t feel so bad.  My daughter had a fantastic first day of school, and she fit in very easily in her new school.  She doesn’t care for her bus driver much, but that’s okay.  It can’t all be perfect.

Things are settling down a bit since school started.  She is enrolled in dance class, which she just loves and she’ll be starting youth group soon.  I think it’s going to be a fantastic year for her.  It’s a bit bittersweet because I see her growing out of a gawky little girl into a graceful young woman right before my eyes.  It’s wonderful, but sad at the same time.

It makes me ponder thoughts of “what if” when it comes to my mother.  Her one desire in life was to watch her girls grow up, and be the best mother she could be.  I can’t sit and contemplate why she wasn’t allowed to do this, or it would make me crazy.  I reconciled that with God a long time ago, yet I still wonder what it would have been like if she had lived.

I think about moments I go through with my daughter, and every single one brings a thought of how my mother would handle this, or what she would have done with me.  Recently, I had a very age-appropriate “sex talk” with her, and I hope I did my mother proud.  I was pulling my hair out for days before wondering how to approach it, but I think I handled it well.  Another situation was getting her her first bra, and I think we came to a good compromise.

There will be many, many more situations like this where I will have to analyze and come up with the best way to handle them.  I will just have to trust that I will make the best decisions according to what my mother showed me while she was still alive, and my own personal experience with them.

So far, I have handled them with relative ease, thanks to immense amounts of quiet contemplation.  My husband is a great help too, but she is a little girl, so I will have to handle a lot of it on my own.

I hope my mother is smiling down on me, saying, “Good job babygirl.”

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