I’m almost a week into my low-fat diet.  It seems to be much easier to maintain this time.  I’ve gotten some wonderful suggestions from people, and I’m finding that low-fat doesn’t have to mean low-flavor.  I’m not getting the urges to cheat like I have in the past.  I think I am just so determined to get fit and healthy again that I won’t let myself falter.

I’m tired of being fat.  I’m tired of having digestive problems.  I’m tired of being exhausted all the time.  I know I can alleviate most of these issues with the right diet and exercise.

Mentally, I am in a really fantastic place right now, and I know that is contributing to my ability to stay focused in this regard.  When I was in the middle of emotional turmoil, it was impossible to look past what I was dealing with at the moment.  Not to mention that being an ace self-destructress was one of the most intrinsic parts of my psyche.  I’ve never thought highly of myself, and I’ve talked before about how well I sabotaged myself.  I’ve always been really good at it.  It’s easy to be when you think that is all you deserve.

I am not quite there with the self-love.  I don’t think I hate myself anymore, at least not all the time.  I don’t think I’m worthy of much yet, but I’m not completely lost.  I know that if I can get my weight down and my health up, that I will be in a much better place to start feeling really good about myself.  I’m already getting snippets of it with small, good decisions that I’ve made and I have to admit to really enjoying it.

I don’t want to give up my progress and slide backward again.  It’s not an option for me at this point.  I’ve even joined two “Maintain, Don’t Gain” challenges to keep me motivated.  I might be able to let myself down, but not my teammates.  They deserve my full involvement.

Here’s to hoping I can keep up the momentum.


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