Getting Better…Slowly

I adore my doctor.  She’s been my doctor for about 8 years now, and I’ve never given her enough credit.  I’ve always been afraid to ask her about anything having to do with my mental disorders because I was terrified that she wouldn’t believe me.  Not only does she believe me, but she very much so wants me to get to a healthy place.

I had another appointment with her last week, and she was concerned that I am taking the ativan every day.  She doesn’t want me to get addicted to it.  I understand her concern because I feel the same way.  It’s helping me so much though.  I take it when I can feel a panic attack coming on, and it calms me right down…within a few minutes.  I told her that I feel the celexa working, but it’s not enough during those really high anxiety times.  She increased my dosage to 40mg per day from 20mg per day to see if that helps.  She did promise not to take the ativan away, but she’s hoping that I’ll use it less.  Me too.

She also suggested I find a therapist, and talked with me about FMLA when I told her I was worried about missing work for it.  I know I need a therapist, and my company will pay for the first 10 sessions, so there’s really nothing stopping me but myself.  It’s seems such a daunting task.  I’ve talked about it a lot on my blog.

I’m still very frustrated that I can’t write in my handwritten journal.  I strained a ligament in my hand.  I’m hoping that with ice and ibuprofen, it will get better soon.  I have to take it easy.  At least typing isn’t painful anymore.

I guess the bright side of my injury is that I’ve been reading a lot.  I’m almost finished with the first book in the series A Song of Ice and Fire, and I will read the others.  It’s a great series so far, but it’s been a bit triggering.  I will write about it in another post.

4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. kate1975
    May 22, 2011 @ 22:18:38


    I’m glad that you can type without pain. That is great. I can understand your frustration on not being able to write in your journal. I deal with that as well.

    I hope that the increase in your med helps a lot. Glad that you have a good doctor. Good and healing thoughts to you.



  2. Trackback: With PTSD and Other Trauma, How Do We Measure Success? « Emotional Sobriety: Becoming Friends & Lovers
  3. survivingdaytoday
    Apr 16, 2012 @ 22:27:08

    Hi, I saw your blog and noticed you hadn’t posted in a while. I’ve been dealing with my own issues, so I guess I just wanted you to know that someone cares, someone is thinking about you. I hope you’re donig well.


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